Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
