toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
