Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
