she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
