Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
