he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
