Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
