currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
