You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
