lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
