everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
