What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
