Pappa wants mamma naked
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
