She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize