I can tuck mytits in my pants
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
