I think I died a long time ago.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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