I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
