I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Randomize
