Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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