At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
