Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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