I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
