i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
