im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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