you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
