i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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