We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
