She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
