I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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