So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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