i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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