Sponge bath it is.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
