Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
