He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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