i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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