I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think people are normalizing furries
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
