areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
