You can't special order awesome
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
