she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
