he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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