My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
