you didnt know i had herpes?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
