This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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