i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i think im in europe. pls send help
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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