u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
