can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
