My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize