plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
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