Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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