I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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