i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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