Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
