I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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