im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
