when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
