He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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