Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
