Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
