I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
