its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
