Plan B is the new Plan A
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
