Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
