Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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