Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
