Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
