He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
