none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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