the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
