would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize