why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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