well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't deserve a penis
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
