apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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