Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just invented taco cereal.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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