Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
