therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize