matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
