I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
