you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
