i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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