I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize