remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
