Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
