Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
