Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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