i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
