It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
