You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
