I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
