So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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