so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
