as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
