She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
