Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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