you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
