In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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