ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
