Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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