he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
