I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
