I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
